Crush

I’ve found myself here again

Feeling…

Suppressing emotions because I don’t want to run to him, lay in his arms and enjoy as his tongue whispers words that melt me from within.

I want to scream I love you not the kind that screams I want a relationship but I love you for coming into my life, for drawing up excitement and for drafting out that I’d have fun enjoying time swell us around? Hot and cold, fucking and treating me like a spoiled princess all the while learning all that goes through your mind and is in your heart.

I want you to let me hold you just like you’ve held my heart and mind the three seconds I said hi to you and you responded, in that moment I realized how much escape you’d offer me and I plan to take it. To edge your name in my heart like a tattoo. To remind me of the dangerous manner that damaged the broken me and stopped me from seeing that wonders still exist in this life we’ve been birthed to live.

Day by day this feeling is rooted in questioning, I thought you felt it too the pull that’s supposed to sculpt our bodies in two but I guess that’s the reward delusion has sent to me again, delivered in a basket but I swear I never could have mistaken it for a casket.

I’m dragged here, again to face reality that my energy has once again been washed to shore, discarded and stripped from its bracket. I have no words other than wow I’ve once again been reminded of this, of me, of loneliness and with a swift hand I once again embrace it, as it’s the only arms steady enough to keep me warm.

Filled with hope and a wondering for the possibility of more, I hold on.
-Nnenna